| OVERWHELMED |
[13 Nov 2008|07:14pm] |
I have changed my clothes a million times it seems in the last hour, hopelessly pulling garment after garment off of my body dissatisfied. This color makes my face look too pale, this one too bright. That shirt too eccentric, and those pants too tight. Every article of clothing I put on I look hideous in. I have finally given up and put on a pair of sweat pants and a dark black shirt. Clothes are really the blanketing for a deeper problem I have. It feels like all the time I hear the constant chaos of voices colliding, and I'm sitting on the edge thinking they'll scream for me. God, it's unnerving thinking you'll fall into it. When I look into the mirror I stare deep into the circles of my eyes and I have so many questions, I wonder who I am behind them, how out of the chaos I emerged as ME. My eyes remind me of the silent planets floating in space, allowing us to see. I am jittery, nervous, and always such a child the way I curl into the fabric of life. I get clumsy with so many ideas at my finger tips. I want to say it all, I want to be it all, it's filling me up and it wants to get out. And when it gets out, it will fill again, and not in lesser quantities, but in even more than before. It's like this: every time we breathe I am taken away in wonder by the brilliance of it all, the traceable, the known, and my favorite, the unknown. I see and I want to create, I want to take the apparent nothing of it all and create something out of it.
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[20 Apr 2008|05:42pm] |
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[10 Sep 2007|02:48pm] |
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PEACE=ANARCHY? In our society we view peace as a social concept. Peace is not just non violence. Our country could have non violence and it wouldn't make it peaceful. Walls aren't peaceful, and when someone tells you what to do (AKA government), that isn't peaceful. Being told what to do isn't peaceful. In reality, peace is anarchy. Where does that fit in our society?
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[08 Sep 2007|02:25pm] |
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evolution is around in every single way. it isn't just EVOLUTION the way most people see it. a thing involving monkey into man. look at the way everything is, everything. if nobody ever wore anything different, nothing would ever change. there is evolution in small things, like fashion. i also believe it is our duty as evolved species not to eat meat. it doesn't make logical sense anymore. we are the only creatures that don't eat our meat raw. look at all animals, when they eat meat, they EAT MEAT. they tear right into the animal. people cook their meat (with exception to a few). also, as humans, we usually don't have the ability to kill an animal with our teeth. most of the time people use spears, guns, etc. also, if you lay down the facts of meat on your health and on the environment, the only reason you would be eating meat is out of pure selfishness. people used to eat meat, true, but people have done many things in the past. it's time to evolve, for the animals, the earth, humanity, and for yourself.
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[29 Aug 2007|08:04pm] |
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[27 Aug 2007|03:09pm] |
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last night we were talking and i put something into words that i have thought for a long long time. the thing is, i never knew how to articulate it, or how to even understand it. i feel more myself at age eighteen than i did when i was a child. when i was a child, i didn't know who i was at all. i feel so free and happy, i know exactly who i am and though i'm not too sure where i want to go, at least i know that.
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[21 Aug 2007|12:56pm] |
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[18 Aug 2007|05:48pm] |
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| A day in the life. |
[16 Aug 2007|11:53am] |
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For my sister's birthday, my mother surprised her with an extraordinary cake. Not just any cake, a cake with Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club band pasted over the vanilla frosting. You know, the picture on the front of the album. With every slice of the cake, we named it a song. My mom ate "She's leaving home" and shed a tear while drinking a few glasses of wine. "How appropriate this piece of cake fits me," she went off in a drunken state, "when my two girls leave me, I will be playing this song all day." My sister and I fought over "Lovely Rita", not for the size of the slice, because we cut every slice in accordance to the length of the song. In that sense, Lovely Rita wasn't that big of a slice, but it was both of our favorite song. When we were little, around 5 and 8, we would open all of the windows in the house and start to play the song. We would both have a window where we would go and sing out of during the beginning of the song when they go "AHHH". We always ended up cracking the windows because we had to open them within a certain time, right before the song came on. I would yell from across the room, "Chloe, you have 8 seconds! seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.." Then we would run to each other and hold hands, and spin. Since it was her birthday, I handed it over after arguing with her for a few minutes. Instead, I took the biggest piece, the longest song. A day in the life. I took the fork and broke the icing, poured a glass of wine when my mom wasn't looking, and toasted to cracked windows.
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[13 Aug 2007|01:25am] |
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we felt bees fill up our cheeks and blew them out. we blew bubbles into the garden and ate brownies until we were rolling over, stuffed as could be. i remember she had such a huge crush on him and one night we all went down to the beach. the three of us were swinging on the swings and i saw her take off her shirt and walk down to the water where he was swimming. the waves were electric blue, red tide and all. they splashed against his legs and sent color everywhere. it was dark so it was pretty hard to make out, but i could see them swimming together like butterflies flying. they walked back to the house soaking wet. he ignored her after that, like it was too hard to deal with. i just think he was too scared because it felt real, it was an actual emotion sparked in him. we went back to my nana's and i painted my toe nails while she wrote our names over and over on yellow paper.
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[13 Aug 2007|01:16am] |
i've known jeff since i was nine years old, maybe ten. i've known kaila since i was eight. from as far back as i can remember jeff has always been in love with kaila. last summer she kissed him "just to shut him up." i know that wasn't why she did it though. when we were little we would go to the saw dust festival every summer and get our faces spray painted. we would let the man choose what he wanted to stencil. i always used to get jealous because i thought hers looked better than mine, she did the same about my mask. we would always make the biggest ice cream sundays we could with food in my nana's house. ice cream piled ontop of one another and whip cream falling everywhere, on to the table cloth, my hair, her hair. cherries and chocolate syrup. passing out, so tired from sailing, our energy drained from the sun, on the couch.
after we watched my dog skip the two of us cried for an hour straight. while driving kaila home we still were crying. my grandma even laughed because she couldn't believe it! at the san diego zoo all of the parrots flew to kaila, they sat on her shoulders and on top of her head. she looked so magnificent. i remember last summer i left my glasses on the back of my nana's car and she drove off to trader joes. it only took me a minute or so after she pulled out to realize what had happened. i went into the house and yelled for kaila and jeff to help me run after the car, to see if the glasses were on the street. the three of us sprinted down my nana's enormous hill, only to come back empty handed. oh but i wasn't done, and neither were they. they ran in the house, ate a popsicle, and off we went again. we lost our breath laughing so hard but never found my glasses.
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[12 Aug 2007|03:07pm] |
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[12 Aug 2007|01:21pm] |
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word from other mouths,,,
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[11 Aug 2007|06:19pm] |
1. don't fall in love with broken people
and i've been yelling at you for so long!
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